I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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