Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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