operation harelip BJ is a go
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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