was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
