tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
