I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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