i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
