It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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