Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
