sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
