So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
