He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
