At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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