How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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