ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
