Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
