you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
