talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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