It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
