We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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