Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
