he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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