you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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