My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
