I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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