did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
