oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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