Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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