Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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