I'm going to jail i love you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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