Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
