I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
