Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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