this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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