i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
