dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
