I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
