I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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