She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
50% drunk capacity currently
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
