I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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