In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
