I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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