its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
