i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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