Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my shit smells like andre
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
