I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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