Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
