I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
