She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
