Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
