I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
