It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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