she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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