Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
