i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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