yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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